This story was reported for San Diego News Network on November 25, 2009.
On Monday, an SDNN reader submitted a comment on one of our many Tila Tequila stories. She stated she was upset that many commentators were criticizing Tequila for speaking out while it hasn’t been proven whether she is lying about her incident with Shawne Merriman. She wrote that this criticism is why so many women who are abused are scared to speak out. Because of expletives the comment could not be approved. Yet, the reader made a valid argument.
With the exception of the partygoers, the rest of us are unaware of what happened between Tequila and Merriman. Perhaps, Tequila could be lying in order to get media attention. Perhaps, she’s honest, and she thought it was her duty to speak out.
Who knows? I won’t offer a full analysis of her character or the situation because a much larger issue needs to be addressed.
The larger issue is this: Many women and men are secretly abused and choose not to disclose their situation because they fear negative public judgment.
Ten years ago, the UN’s General Assembly adopted a resolution recognizing Nov. 25 as the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. They chose Nov. 25 in honor of three Mirabal sisters from the Dominican Republic, who were assassinated for speaking out against the dictatorship of Rafael Trujillo in 1960.
The UN defines violence against women, “as any act of gender-based violence that results in, or is likely to result in, physical, sexual or mental harm or suffering to women, including threats of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivation of liberty, whether occurring in public or in private life.”
Every year, about 5,000 women “are murdered by family members in the name of honour each year worldwide,” according to the World Health Organization. Moreover, trafficking of women and children has been rated one of the top crimes in the world; one in five women report experiencing sexual abuse as children; and staggering numbers in numerous countries show “many women said that their first sexual experience was not consensual.”
In San Diego County, “health experts… say that [they] are struggling to respond to some 1,400 domestic violence incidents per month,” according to non-profit Grace After Fire.
SDNN blogger, co-founder of 51%: A Women’s Place Is In Politics and host of “Coffee & Conversation with Cool Women” Tryce Czyczynska is among the one in five women who experienced sexual abuse as a child. Today though, she fearlessly chooses to share her story and for the first time, chose to write about it for the Internet – for SDNN and for the thousands of women who are abused every day with the hope her story will encourage other women to speak out.
Grace After Fire founder Stephanie Moles, who also experienced domestic violence as a child, shares her inspirational story via a video blog for SDNN readers. While San Diego District Attorney Bonnie Dumanis, who has devoted a large part of her career to ending violence against women, also shares her thoughts on the importance of the day.
For insight on how the California budget cuts and overall recession have affected domestic violence – read “Local domestic violence shelters seek assistance amid tough economy.” Finally to check out what’s happening around the world in the fight against violence – see the coverage offered by non-profit media outlet, Global Voices Online.
For the sake of those who are secretly being abused, let’s consciously take a step back and choose to not judge Tequila… or Merriman for that matter. Let’s take a step back because whether she’s honest or not – we can all offer a tad of sympathy to her it (in a world that lacks it), and acknowledge the bigger problems at stake.
Get involved in the solution locally. San Diego has a number of shelters and non-profits looking for support. Here are just a few:
Family Justice Center Alliance
The San Diego County Chapter of the National Organization for Women and the LGBT Center of San Diego will also host a program on domestic violence on Tuesday, Dec. 8 at 7 p.m. For more info, go to NOW’s Web site.
Hoa Quach is the political editor for the San Diego News Network.