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Bye bye, balloon

Let the balloon go.

I’m an emotional girl.

I’m compassionate to the point where it annoys people. I’m bitchy when it comes to work but I’m too sweet to be told that so people will tell me I’m sassy instead. I’m a clean freak but my desk will always be a hot mess. I’m honest even if it means crying shamelessly because I feel like it will help me breathe again. I’m romantic and I proudly wear my heart on my sleeve.

But I am not hopeless.

I’m hard on myself. The other day I told a close friend I needed to get a better grip on certain job duties and he laughed and told me my work was great.

“I know but you know how I am,” I said.

“I know,” he laughed again.

I beat myself up when things aren’t, at least in my mind, the best it can be. At the same time, I know the professional success I’ve seen at an early age isn’t because I’ve never pushed myself. I’ve earned my reputation because I’ve worked hard.

But I’m learning that there are times I just have to let things go and understand that I tried—and trying is the only thing I can humanly do. Of course, this applies to my personal life as well.

Without relinquishing my personal, offline diary in its entirety… it didn’t work out.

I tried and I tried and I tried. I tried to believe that it would be OK. But it is now, on a beautiful Saturday morning after a bowl of Special K cereal, cup of Vietnamese mojo and heartfelt words from a good friend, that I know it’s time to let the balloon go. It’s time to let go because the outcome of the somber situation is not a reflection of my lack of efforts. It’s a reflection of different values, morals and standards. It’s life.

Some may say I’m foolish for putting my heart out there but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I wouldn’t go into a situation with a negative mindset nor would I half-ass it. But trying is all I could do— and I tried.

So, now I leave the situation without the balloon knowing that I am still a person I could be proud of…a person, who is thoughtful and deliberate in her actions; a person, who can look at her life when she’s 80 and take pride in the decisions she has made; a person, who puts 125 percent of herself into any situation; a person, who will always, always believe in the fairytale despite any previous punches to the heart.

I’ll be the person who can—stand up for herself—and let the balloon go when it needs to go.